How to ghost like a pro

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A couple of years of singledom will literally turn you into a ghosting pro, I ghost like it’s nobody’s business, actually it is nobody’s business.

In case you have never heard about the latest way of “breaking it off” with someone, then allow me to shed some light. Ghosting is a current trending art of ending things with someone you are dating or someone you thought you wanted to date or hangout with where you literally fall off the face of the earth until they understand that you don’t want anything to do with them. I know you are rolling your eyes but before you judge and hate me, let me explain.

Being a ghosting regular, I have learnt a number of lessons on how to do it right. Top lesson, ghosting is not a one-size-fit-all method of ending things; some other ways work better with some dates and situations so pick wisely bitches.  

First Dates


First of all, first dates are only first dates, you don’t owe him or anyone an explanation and sob story about why you won’t be seeing him again. Seriously spare yourself the melodramatic explanation. If he hasn’t figured out that girls don’t like his boring as fuck personality or needy, desperate desires for a “relationship” or that she does not find it attractive when he displays public affection on the first date, then fuck, seriously maybe someone should tell him why. But in most cases, nobody even got time for that. 

Guys harden up and take a fucken hint. I believe in first impressions, so should you, they count!

I experienced this, with Travis. A guy I had matched with on Tinder. Travis had really good chat and seemed funny and outgoing. I agreed to a date, only to be thoroughly disappointed. Travis spent the evening boring the fuck outta me, with his monotone personality while he not so subtly made plans for our future together. What really put the icing on the cake, was when he started sucking my face as soon as we stepped out of the restaurant. Like I didn’t even have time to get the food outta my teeth! No idea how in his right mind he thinks that this is what a woman is into. Sigh!

Weeks later I heard from Travis again, asking why I hadn’t of replied to his previous message, like 3 weeks ago and if he had done something that had upset me? Because he thought we had a nice time.

Hahahah seriously...yeh Trav, I been loosing sleep over you for the last 3 weeks because I have been upset with you. Also we all know that Nice is just a place in France, and if you don't you should read it and learn how to win at everything.

Guys harden up and take a fucken hint. I believe in first impressions, so should you, they count!

You feel me.

Sometimes it’s OK to revoke your ghosting


 In most cases, there is no need to answer even a single message from someone you want to ghost, not even a ‘goodnight’ message. But in some situations may call for a more civil way of ending up things. I experienced this with Ian, a guy I went out with and honestly had a great time with but deep inside I didn’t feel like going anywhere further with him. I know you feel like cursing me, but when people say such, they mean it.

Ian and I had a great couple of dates but at the end of it I felt there was lack of connection and we could make good buddies but nothing more, I couldn’t imagine getting naked with Ian. I ignored some of his texts, caved and braced myself for the meanest messages and what came back was a sincere thank you. I didn’t expect that response but it worked, perfectly. Get the point right, I mean 100 percent of guys deal with rejection far more than us girls do and they will understand upfront that you don’t want to see them again.  


Avoid ghosting people who you work with


You work together? The notorious office romance, a huge no go zone, especially when things go to shit. At first it seems like a good idea, until it comes down to ghosting him. You don’t need the extra stress. My advice is CANCEL any potential office dates or hook-ups. You will be thanking me later. However, if not plausible ghost gracefulling and professionally, by always having a “Busy” status on your work chat and just getting really busy in general.

Maybe even start actually doing your job for a change.

Lesson? If you want to ghost like a pro, do some research before agreeing to sit for a first date with someone you will live to hide from.

Avoid confrontation, its ghosting, not fighting


Seriously I have never been on a date with this guy. We met at a friend’s baby-shower and he recognized me after we matched on Tinder. He then complained to my girlfriends that I’m too proud to answer messages. He then nagged me with a string of text messages asking why I’m ignoring him. Realizing that we were mutual friends I decided to explain why I didn’t reply his messages and his response tripled my dislike towards him. First, I hated him for involving my friends in something that has no meaning, then he is too nagging asking for an explanation that wouldn’t help him and after getting it, all I get back are abuses and harsh words that no sane man can ever say to a woman. Don’t argue with fools, just freeze them out, period!

Delete his number and social media


To make ghosting easy, do away with all the information that you have, his number, unfriend him on Facebook and every social site. As much as he sucked or you simply didn’t find him attractive, it may come a point when boredom creeps in and you might find yourself communicating to him explaining why you could not make it or agree to a second or third chance hoping for the best that never comes. If he sucked at first, he always will, 98% chances so better you ghost him and spread your wings for other dates. Don’t lose a diamond by focusing on a stone.

 Don’t ghost a mutual friend


Ghosting a mutual friend might come back in your face with a bang. I met Kevin on Halloween, he is a friend to my cousin’s friend. After hanging out and exchanging contacts, he asked me out again and I did what I did best, I ghosted him. Months later, Kevin is dating my best friend’s sister. That means meeting regularly and attending some parties together. Thankfully, he didn’t hold it against me. But in the future I will find a more friendly way of breaking things up with a friend of a friend.

Ghost graciously girls


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